Copy of letter to kindergarten parents

February 27, 2008


Dear Parents and Volunteers:

I am writing this letter to clarify the H. School position regarding protocols that have been put in place for one of our kindergarten students, Bethany J.

Bethany has a clinical diagnosis from an experienced, professional psychologist who has worked with emotionally wounded children for more than 20 years. As such, she is afforded the protections of Section 504 of the Individuals with Disabilities Act. The school is in the process of formalizing a 504 Plan to insure that Bethany’s needs are addressed. This type of disorder is a result of abandonment, trauma, and neglect prior to being adopted by the J's. I assure you the diagnoses are reliable, and very real. Information has been provided by the J's regarding the background of Bethany’s diagnoses. It does not seem reasonable to me to expect all parents to fully understand or appreciate the entirety or scope of Bethany’s condition at this time. We may not fully understand the condition, but we must fully accept and comply with the protocols set forth in the interest of helping her move forward. I am not an expert in the areas of emotional abandonment and trauma. I trust that the adults and professionals in Bethany’s life are farther down the road than I am in terms of understanding what is best for her.

Before presenting the protocol, it is important to note that Bethany will appear very normal to most people. Bethany’s appearance can be attributed to two things. First, Bethany’s parents, therapist, and teachers have set in place and follow strict guidelines for interacting with Bethany. This helps Bethany feel safe and confident in the classroom. This, in turn, allows her to relax and appear “normal.” Second, a hallmark of children with these diagnoses is that their outward behaviors can be what most people take to be normal behavior. However, in Bethany’s case, the presentation is sometimes a mask that covers some very strong insecurities and emotions that are just below the surface. Consequently, what appears to be a charming and normal child to someone unfamiliar with the disorder is something else entirely. Not recognizing this leads to endless misperceptions, judgments about her parents, and the potential to undermine the healing that is taking place.

It is important to understand that we all can have a positive, neutral, or negative impact on Bethany in the classroom. The following protocols are put in place so that you can have a positive impact, and they need to be followed by anyone working with Bethany in the classroom.

Redirect Bethany to K or L if she has a question, needs her pencil sharpened, needs a stamp on her paperwork, is asking for permission or direction for anything, or is ill or injured in anyway whatsoever.
If she is sick, injured or scared call her mother to attend to her. This includes putting Band-Aids on cuts, or treating any illness no matter how seemingly small.
Do not praise her unless you are willing to be trained in how to praise a child with these diagnoses.
Do not test Bethany unless her parents have otherwise authorized you to test her.
Reframe from nurturing touch such as hugs, hand holding, stroking her hair and any other nurturing activities. These things need to come from her parents.
Please reframe from gossiping among yourselves since this information is intended to help Bethany and not to harm her. If you have further questions take the time to educate yourselves or to ask questions.

We will need to restrict individuals from having any direct contact with Bethany if they feel that they cannot follow the protocols as listed above in order to avoid any negative impacts. When you volunteer in the classroom, it is imperative that you follow the protocols.

As you can see, none of these measures are difficult or unreasonable. I appreciate that they may feel awkward because they are not how we typically act with our students and children. The key to implementing them is to understand they are not optional for you and that Bethany is not just like other students or children and cannot be treated just like any other child. She has suffered significant trauma that, unfortunately, makes her very much unlike any other child. Following this protocol will help her feel secure in the classroom and ensure her continued success at H. In turn, the safer she feels, the greater is the potential for her healing. With a little effort, we can make a big difference for one of our students.

The good news is that Bethany can heal from the tragic circumstances of her beginnings, with the interventions put in place by the J's and those working with Bethany. In fact, she has already come a long way in her healing. However, healing will only continue to come through a strict regimen that is intended to facilitate her attachment with her parents and feelings of security at home and in other environments, including the classroom.

It is extremely important to Bethany’s success in the classroom, as well as not undermining the healing that has already taken place, that you follow these measures. Please understand that I am not asking you to do anything that her teachers are not already doing. One of the reasons that Bethany has been successful in the classroom to this point, aside from the diligence of her parents and therapist, is because of the positive contribution that her teachers have given as a result of following these very same measures. Ironically, Bethany’s success has led some to believe that there might not even be a problem. This is a dangerous misconception.

Finally, the J's are open to discussing their child’s condition in a respectful and supportive manner, as well as providing more detailed background on why it is so important to implement these guidelines, with the understanding that they do so in order to ensure that their daughter is able to continue going to school. They invite you to contact them if you have any questions. They also invite you to contact Bethany’s therapist to understand this situation more fully. She can be reached at. If you are interested in learning more, the following websites are great places to start:

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

http://www.attach-china.org/

https://www.attachment.org/index.php

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions about this letter or the protocol for interacting with Bethany, contained herein.


Regards,